Today as been a long emotional day for me, I have been going back and forth for months on where my Madison (my 9year old) should attend school. She had been going to private school since kindergarten (she is now in fourth grade) until this past June. As the school year approached I knew she would not be returning to the school she had been attending but I still hadn't decided whether she would be attending a public or a new private school. Well we had a few weeks before the new private school started so I enrolled her in the local public school, she loved it. My daughter is a social butterfly who makes friends everywhere she goes so I knew she would be ok. Well by then end of her first day she had made friends and was happy, although I think her happiness has more to do with the fact that she didn't have to wear a uniform and could wear her own clothes. Well for the first time in a long while we didn't have to fight over getting up in the morning, getting her stuff together, and getting out the door. She looked forward to school, so with this new found enthusiasm I hoped the academic would also improve. Well after several weeks of waiting and watching I have decided to put her back in a private school. My daughter struggled last year with Reading, she was flipping letters, jumbling letters in words, the work was inconsistent, she seemed frustrated BUT she excelled at Math (accelerated math) each grade worked a year ahead. Last year we had her tested for Dyslexia by the school district and they found very little in fact they treated me like I was a whiny mother upset because my child was not an over achiever. They basically said she had a visual processing disorder, which the school psychologist couldn't really give me any info on it, well I did my own research and basically she appears to have a very mild form of dyslexia. Back to the math thing - well the other day she brought home a math test with a grade of 3 out of 14, this was a girl getting A's on 4th and 5th grade math last year and now she is getting F's in math that is below her grade level. This was the smoking gun for me, it made me realize that a. if my daughter is going to struggle then let her struggle at a higher level. b. it's not the school it's my daughter. I have also for some time thought my daughter was ADD and after more internet research I am becoming more and more convinced. I have over the last year spoken to many people on this issue friends, family, and acquaintances, learning that I am not the only person dealing with this kind of thing with their children. So why has this been so hard for me today well because It breaks my heart to have to change her from school and she is VERY upset about it. Not only that but I am scared and anxious, what if I am making the wrong decision. I don't think anything in the world make us second guess ourselves like parenting.
I hate to see her crying because she is sad to leave all her new friends, I feel like the worst mother in the world. I am not an overly sensitive parent I don't mind seeing my children cry especially when they are just being little boogers but feeling like an am inflicting sadness on them is a pain I cannot bear. Yup believe it or not I have a SUPER HUGE soft spot when it comes to all 3 of my kids, I can't bear to see a sad tear shed. I know I am not unique in this as parents we hate to see our children upset. So if I hadn't mentioned it already I have been crying all day about this issue with my daughter, well not really all day in emotional spurts. Ok so I am glad I was able to get this off my chest and down on paper. Sorry if it sounds choppy or run-on I wasn't too concerned with grammar. Have a good night.
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